I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
