8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
