Too much gin, very little bucket
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
