flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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