So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
