so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
