are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
i think i just naturally attract stoners
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
