So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Randomize
