physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
