i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
