I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
