this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
