There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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