saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
