I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
