you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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