I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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