Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
they need to just BURY HIM!
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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