Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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