just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize