she woke up with a sticky ear
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
