i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
