I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
