Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
