Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
You're like the curious george of whores
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
