It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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