Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
did i just pee glitter
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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