im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
