we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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