I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize