so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
