Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
