just survived the first fart of the relationship.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
