his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Randomize
