One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
