If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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