remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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