the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
