i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
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