he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Randomize
