I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
