bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
