Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
