So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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