I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i already hear my dad disowning me
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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