just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
