ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
