My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
