I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
