She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
If I die, sorry about rent.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Success! We fucked roommates!
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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