i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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