Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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