We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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