I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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