My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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