just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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