please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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