so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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