i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize