dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
