You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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