It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
