listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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