what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
