never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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