You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
