why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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