Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
