Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Randomize
