Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
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