What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
