your thong is hanging out like whoa
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I see more hoeing in ur future
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